"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
Oscar Wilde
Welcome to Imagination Temptation, a place where rants of a girl and the overwhelming feelings of her lays here.
All of the words implied here are genuinely from inside her mind or heart, though there are no guarantee that everything in here were just her imagination or fantasy.
Shall you see further inside this place, just click the girls on the left.
Profile
Who am I?
Certainly no one.
Well, I am just a being who likes to imagine a lot. It even tempts me.
An author of its life. A human who likes to and being loved.
Who doesn't, after all? Blasphemy, I say, if you don't need to be love and loved.
I like simplicity yet complexity. I like modest things yet also I like challenges.
I hate apathetic people. I hate selfish people. I hate ignorant people.
I love stories from the girl in the attic. I love songs that sings out feelings.
I don't like cliche love songs. Suffice to say, I don't like most of the songs in the world?
Hey, do you want to know more? Are you listening to me?
Children and Adults, and Another Teenager Social Problems
Kamis, 30 September 2010 @ 10.28
I used to never understand the stories which tell about children who doesn't want to grow up, but now that my 17th birthday is coming near, I suddenly can feel it. The feeling of doesn't want to leave the childhood and to accepting responsibilities. I suddenly feeling like want to be a children again, when problems will never be seen as a burden in life.
It's less than 24 hours that my birthday will come. I soon am going to be what supposedly a mature person (though UNICEF defines children as those who age 18 and below). I will accept my national identity, hold more responsibility, and has to face the future like every other adults. It is a 'sign' of a new life, but it also means that I can't do what have I been doing all this time.
Maybe while I was still inside a school, I won't feel the difference, but I know as soon as I leave the high school and began my life in college or university, I won't be able to enjoy my life as I used to be. I have a future to be thought, and a clear dream that I must grasp.
Somehow, I think I'm not ready yet to accept all of it.
Just now, I was thinking about my 17th birthday cake. I actually want cupcakes as my birthday cake, instead of those circle or square normal birthday cake. There's something about cupcake that always draws my attention. Maybe because they are smaller and more decorative.
Two weeks ago, when I propose about my 17th birthday celebration, I told my parents about the cupcakes, and they seemingly agree about that, and it continues to my aunt, who offers to order the cupcakes as cupcakes obviously needs more time to create compared to the ordinary cake. So I actually leave my worries about the cake to her. I actually want to buy the one in the Ex, because that is the only place I know where to get (pretty) nice cupcakes.
And until now, there's no news about the cupcakes. I've been searching around the net about cupcakes seller in Jakarta, but what I found was this nice online cupcake baker with interesting design, and from what I got from Kaskus, this baker is pretty good. Sadly, if I want to order the cake, I have to order it from one week before, which is impossible.
My step mother has tried to convince me whether the cupcakes seller at the Ex would be able to just make a one day order, in which I replied that she doesn't have to do that. Clearly it's impossible, but I'm not so sure. She convinced me several times which in the end I said that she doesn't have to do that.
Deep in my heart, I was so sad. Even though I said that I don't need the cupcakes if it's impossible to get it, I am mad to my aunt that she don't really keep her words. Silently I pout alone in my room, writing this blog. I am trying to accept this little truth that I won't be able to get any cupcakes for my birthday, but it's still so hard for me.
I wonder why I get mad by such a small things. When I became an adult, I won't be able to pout again. I have to accept everything as it is. Is that the meaning of becoming an adult? I don't know if I can went through it if I am able to get upset so easily.
Asides, will I really be able to be an adult if I'm just a little possessive person?
Closing to my birthday, when I think about who to invite, I'm getting confused on whom shall I invite to come. I began to wonder who are my friends, and do they think of me as a friend. I am wondering if I am ever been good enough as a friend. A quote says that if you want a good friend, then you shall be a good friend. I know in fact that I was never be a good friend, but yet I want a good friend. Is it fair? I don't think so, but somewhat I feel really sad about it. I thought I will pass another year by those same friends of mine again like years before.
When I see my friends at school were having fun with their 'new' friends, I always feel so sad, to think that I'm an outcast from the group where they belong. When I think on who to invite, I am wondering if I shall invite my friend's friends or not, so they won't feel 'lonely' later, which one of my friend replied that I don't have to, as this is my party and I should consider who do I want to invite.
Still, in the end, I'm keep inviting their friends. The chairs ordered was a bit too much.
I wonder, does my feeling of loneliness and paranoid is also a sign that I am still a children? That I am not capable to be a real adult yet?
I am however, still don't know about the answer.
I can only thought of what will happen 40 hours from now.
I wish I will feel happy during that time.
I wish I wouldn't feel lonely at all.
I wish I could talk about my feelings, about what I want for the next year.
