"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
Oscar Wilde
Welcome to Imagination Temptation, a place where rants of a girl and the overwhelming feelings of her lays here.
All of the words implied here are genuinely from inside her mind or heart, though there are no guarantee that everything in here were just her imagination or fantasy.
Shall you see further inside this place, just click the girls on the left.
Profile
Who am I?
Certainly no one.
Well, I am just a being who likes to imagine a lot. It even tempts me.
An author of its life. A human who likes to and being loved.
Who doesn't, after all? Blasphemy, I say, if you don't need to be love and loved.
I like simplicity yet complexity. I like modest things yet also I like challenges.
I hate apathetic people. I hate selfish people. I hate ignorant people.
I love stories from the girl in the attic. I love songs that sings out feelings.
I don't like cliche love songs. Suffice to say, I don't like most of the songs in the world?
Hey, do you want to know more? Are you listening to me?
There are lots of feeling I want to describe today.. I don't care if there aren't any another reader. Afterall, this blog serves it's purpose as a diary, rather to be a public something. I've gotten used to it too much.
I am...
1. Lonely No matter how many times I deny this, I still can't really say that I actually isn't lonely. If I want to say, my heart is like a cracked jar. No matter how much it was filled, the liquid will slowly go out from the crack. No matter how happy I actually look, it was a deep emptiness inside.
Actually, when I see about it. I don't really get when I started to get lonely easily. I think I came to realization when I was in 4th grade. At that time, I have a best friend who is in different class with me. When it's break time, I was about to visit her in her class, until I saw that she was talking to another person happily. When I saw that, I just began to pull myself away. I don't want to disturb her, let her alone be happy. Then, it was another year in grade 6, when I got a problem with one of my friend, I once again pull myself away, let her alone be happy with the others. I didn't realized that it was a stupid act, and I got myself so troubled during the year.
Not to mention, in the same year my mother passed away. What stroke me that day was another emptiness, instead of grief. Just few days that I actually cried, before I realized that I'm getting worse day by day.
Though I succeed as much, I still can't deny of my loneliness... when you are by yourself, whatever you achieve will come to nothing, because there's no one to acknowledge you.
2. Ashamed Today I found something of regarding him. I call him now as G. He was someone that I never thought I can be close with. He was someone that I never thought I can have my crush on. Until now, I can't be really sure why I actually like him. I know about him only as briefly, leave alone what he appears at the outside. Today I found something about him that makes me think again, that liking him was no mistake.
I'm grateful that I ever like him. I am ashamed of myself.
Today I found his blog, which tells so many great thing I can't see from him everyday. His writings were great. Much to encourage people. He tells wonderful stories and giving lessons about life. When I see his writings, I am completely ashamed of myself, to what I'm doing now, abusing this blog and my lonely excuses. I see him as someone great. More great than what I saw today, yesterday, and far before that.
3. ... in love. Who doesn't know about this if someone has ever read my previous entries? I've been loving two person, and that's nowhere close to something 'easy'. Love alone is a complex thing, two loves will be too full for my heart, but I can't actually deny the existence of these two person in it.
I've been considering to leave one of them behind, he who I call as G. He who made me realized something about my poor self. He is way too far from me right now, as I thought there won't be any chance for me to get him. Although I see him everyday, I watched him everyday, I don't know whether I could really like him, or made him like me back or no. Though personally I like him, love him so much, but this love will just come to another unrequited one. Just like his previous 'successor'. It's so confusing, and I don't know how to handle it.
As for the another one, A, it feels like I began to feel more about him day by day. I saw him in my dream a lot, more than G ever appeared. Come to think of it, he never actually comes to my dream. Maybe only a brief, which leaves me to never remembered about him. But this A, he does more likely. To my limited knowledge that he actually doesn't know about what I feel towards him. It's a sad feeling actually. Again, I don't know how I should handle this feeling.
I see myself have been shed drops of tears. My feelings are mixed into one I can't describe, let tears alone can answer it.
